I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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