I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
