I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
