i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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