What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
