I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
