Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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