One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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