yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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