My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
