She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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