At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
