Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
