Duck Duck Cougar?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize