3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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