I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Randomize
