i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
