Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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