escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
