Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
