I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
