How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
