i barfeds in our rink
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
