Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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