Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
