I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
