My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
