just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
