totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize