As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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