I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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