My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
