shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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