you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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