I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
