member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My bed smells like the plague
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
