So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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