U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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