did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I forget how to act sober
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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