just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
