Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
