I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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