A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
