Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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