im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
