I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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