You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
