not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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