2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Your penis caused this!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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