maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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