Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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