I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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