should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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