I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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