I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
