I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
