and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
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