I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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