I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
