she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
