So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
