I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How does it feel to date your dad?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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