no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
