so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
