You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
