I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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