Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
