if you like me you must not know who I am
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
