sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
