I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
