just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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