May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
