For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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