I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
