maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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